I'll admit that I'm generally the sensible gal who moves forward in life, not in need of a man to make life fulfilling... but sometimes the want comes into play and those times get a little sappy, even for my taste.
Lately I keep having really vivid dreams about having a guy in my life. Sometimes it's just his arm around my shoulder while we're watching a movie, or talking, or (like last night) discussing details with a fiance about our upcoming nuptials whilst boxing up my things to move into his house. (Cheesy, cheesy dreams)
My subconscious is trying to tell me something... and I don't like it. Frankly, the last time I was feeling this way, I ended up dating someone I wasn't as interested in as he was interested in me and I broke up with him when he was in Oklahoma, getting trained to be deployed to Afghanistan. (I'll bet any of you who thought I was nice are coming to the realization that I'm a terrible, awful human being. Now, at least, you know the truth.)
That said, I think back and remember what didn't work for me in that whole dating situation. He was a sweet guy. Probably sweeter than I deserved. He said all the right things--you know... the whole "you're beautiful" bit--bought me flowers, took me to dinners... but it all felt stale. The one thing I remember loving was when he wrote a note or card and gave that to me.
Perhaps I have a very different idea of what romance is. I find it once in a while in lyrics or lines of a play, or a saying. The most recent one I've been hung up on is a part from the book East of Eden. It's when Adam is describing his feelings for Cathy Ames and what she meant to him. He tells Sam:
"A kind of light spread out from her. And everything changed color. And the world opened out. And a day was good to awaken to. And there were no limits to anything. And the people of the world were good and handsome. And I was not afraid anymore."
Wouldn't it be wonderful if someone felt this way about you? And you actually deserve it??? (Anyone who has read East of Eden will know Cathy was definitely undeserving.)
*Sigh* Oh the romantic inside that just won't let go.
What makes you go all Romantical?